People don't just say what they say for no reason. Their ideas come from something, an experience, a projection, a need to sound intelligent or funny. There are more motivations than I can name. I have heard it said that God or the Universe or some larger power speaks to us through others. Think of the popular concept in the self-help world of the lesson. We are presented with a lesson until we learn it, so goes the thought. I am applying this to something two members in my family recently said to me. In each instance there was context in which their ideas were formed that could easily dismiss the idea that the universe was speaking through them. In other words, there were far more practical and less mystical explanations as to why they said what they did. Yet, here I sit, haunted by their words. First, I am going to take a risk and quote my mother.
Here's the background. She bought me a ride on a seaplane the weekend of my 43rd birthday. She saw me hoist myself up off the pontoon and into the seat opposite the pilot in the cockpit. She watched as I waved through my window, giving a thumbs up to the dock, where my family looked on. My 8 year old daughter looked fretful while my 4 year old son looked a mix of thrilled and terrified. My husband, for the record, looked proud, and was busily filming the yellow and white De Havilland Beaver being pushed from the dock and out into the bay, where it would taxi out to a clear length of water to take off.
I was in the skies over San Francisco and the epic land- and seascape north of the Gold Gate Bridge for more than an hour. The pilot was proficient and at ease, and the two couples in the back rows were giddy and fun to share such an epic experience with.
Back on the dock, after taking pictures beside our chariot of the sky, my Mom said this to me. "You look like you belong in the cockpit."
Looking at the pictures, she's right. Even before we had lifted into flight, my face was beaming. I loved watching the pilot adjust levers for mixture, power, and trim, and even tried to watch his feet dance on the rudder pedals. I noted the rudder trim set to the right to counteract yawing tendency. In comparison to all the subtle action of the cockpit, the moment we separated from the water was anticlimactic.
Back on the ground, weeks later, my family was watching Captain Marvel. My kids know I love the flying scenes. When I'd wander out of the room to do a chore or some studying, they'd call me back into the living room in time to see Carol Danvers hop into a cockpit, fire up whatever vessel of flight she found herself in and take off.
The next day, I was buckling my son into his booster seat when he asked, "Momma, will you ever fly a jet?"
It was a simple question, and he was probably reflecting on Danvers flying F-15s in the AirForce. Knowing I would never be in the AirForce, I knew unequivocally I would never fly her plane. But being a Mom with five hours of flight time and no access to a Certified Flight Instructor or flight school, I doubted very much if I would ever fly a jet. But you never know.
Was the Universe reminding me through my mother, then my son, of my not-so-secret desires? Was I subtly being reminded to stay the course, however long. In the end, it is up to me. It's up to me what to make of what they said. It's up to me what to do about it.
Currently, I am slowly but surely progressing through online ground school. I have a little over four more months to finish. At the same time, one of the courses I am taking at the local community college, physical geography, covers mapping and weather, which relates to private pilot knowledge. I have applied for an Eagle Flight with the nearest Experimental Airplane Association (EAA) group, just under 2 hours drive away, hoping to connect with a mentor. I have yet to get a response. I receive the magazine Flight Training through my Airplane Owners and Pilot Association (AOPA) membership, and I am active on the Facebook Group, Ladies in Flight Training (LIFT).
I have not ruled out being near planes in other ways, too, like in the hangar as a mechanic. Just being near a plane lights me up, and knowing how one operates and being able to build and fix one would be a thrill. I have visited one school, and I have reached out to women in aviation maintenance through Women In Aviation Conference contacts and Facebook groups. Perhaps a mentorship there will get me on my path.
As fulfilling as writing in general is for me, and as inspiring as writing about aviation has been, I feel writing about the thing I love is not enough. I need to get my hands in there. I need to be part of the action.
Universe, God, whatever it may be, please guide me on my path, and show me why it is planes and flying light up my soul.
(This was originally published 10/15/2019 by the author on her blog The Passage.)